my teammates

Here are the facts about Saturday's rugby game:

- We played TCNJ (The College of New Jersey)
- We tied 10-10
- It was a good game of rugby, on both sides, by all accounts

Now, here is the stuff that is really worthy of a blog post:

- We were missing HALF of our usual starting A-side players
- Some of the players that were there were playing injured
- A lot of us were in positions we were mostly (if not completely) unfamiliar with
- We played together for the entire game, and by all accounts, have a lot to be proud of

I feel a bit awkward writing this post, because I'm a part of the team that I'm praising so highly and I don't mean to sound self-gratifying or [insert a better antonym of "self-deprecating" if you have one, because I am just having a really tough time with this one tonight]. But I really mean this post to be more about them than about me, even though I'm the one writing it. I'm going to start with my part in it, because it's probably a pretty good reflection of how off-balance everything was for everyone. And besides, it is the part I know best.

To start with, it's just been crazy lately with the number of injuries we've been having. One of our captains shattered a finger and had to have surgery on Thursday. Other teammates have been out with concussions, one bruised bone and various muscular injuries. This week in particular, we were low on attendance at practice, and a freak number of people had to go away for the weekend on family obligations, etc. At total count, we were missing half of our usual starting players.

For my part, I was going to be filling in for the tight-head prop (don't worry about what this means - unless you know rugby, it is probably not important to you), and during the week (and especially during Friday's practice) that was what I was preparing for - both in terms of positioning (in the scrum, especially) and mentally. There were some rough spots, but after spending basically the entirety of Friday afternoon working on things, I thought we were set. I was still really nervous and having a hard time forcing down my dinner as I thought about the next day. I contemplated texting JW, since it was her old position I was to be playing the next day.

Then, casually, a teammate makes a remark about me playing eight. (Again, don't worry - just know that this is definitely NOT the same thing as a prop.) I literally turned my whole body to face her, practically yelled "WAIT, WHAT!?" and hit the table. Then, she explained calmly that our coach had changed his mind after practice ended and I had left with some other teammates for dinner.

I... kind of lost it a little? I guess I've been more stressed out this week than I thought, because (embarrassingly) I just started crying right there at the table. It hadn't been an easy practice anyway, taking on an important position that I haven't really played much before, and having to be corrected on practically every move I made. Obviously I knew that people were helping me and I definitely kept asking for feedback - but it was still just a little overwhelming sometimes, and the only way I could take the change was: "You still weren't good enough, after all of that."

Within seconds, I was surrounded by various teammates, telling me that it would be ok. NK, who usually plays tight-head prop but was out with a concussion and is sort of acting captain, had talked to our coach, and wanted me at eight instead of prop because I had more experience than one of the freshmen (that they planned to switch to loose-head prop, and then switch the other prop to tight-head - even though I was playing it because she wasn't as comfortable there). "It has nothing to do with anything you did," they assured me. "But you need to stop worrying about it and just get out there and do it tomorrow." I pulled it together, and just tried not to think about it. I hung out with a few of them for a few hours afterward, and went to bed early that night.

The next day at breakfast, I had to force down some more food as our captain came over and sat down across from me with a peculiar look on her face. I didn't want to acknowledge that something was probably up... but as we were walking to get more food/drinks, she pulled me aside and said, "So, you know that __ isn't coming today, right?" This time, I managed not to have any kind of violent reaction as I turned to her and said, in the calmest possible tone "Nope. Had no idea." She gave me an apologetic smile. "Yeah, well. Now you know?" I managed a grin back, and asked what this meant for me - since I figured she wasn't just telling me separately for the hell of it. I was right - I was being switched (again) to second row.

It gets more complicated from there, but all you really need to know is that I was switched back to eight to start the game, and that I did, at one point, play second row for a brief interlude when someone was taken out and then put back in. I think things went ok, generally. Am I spectacular at the position? Of course not - it's why someone else usually plays it. But I did the absolute best I could, which was what was needed from me, given the situation.

Still, despite the fact that we were missing so many people, despite the injuries, despite the uncertainty and anxiety that came with the fact that we usually beat this team but were pretty sure we were set up to lose the match -- we played really well. Within the first few minutes (on one of the first plays) our hooker (yeah, I guess you can laugh - but that's a position, I swear... I can't make this stuff up!), LT, scored a try - her first. It was really great, because not only is she one of the most fantastic people I know, but I think that our coach sometimes undervalues her - and it was just great to see her do something so incredibly awesome when we really needed it. That really helped us begin the match on a good note and she set the tone for the rest of the game.

MA is another person that I'm super proud of. She's a freshman and it was her first game starting; she was playing loose-head prop. I have to admit, I may have a little bit of selfish pride because she was one of my hellees, but it is agreed on a number of accounts that she has SO MUCH potential. (Also, she's one of the sweetest, kindest and generally best people ever.) It's still her first year, and she's gotten so much better and only continues to improve - and she played REALLY WELL the entire game. She got hurt a few times, and kept coming back in - she's just such a champ.

LB was the sophomore switched to tight-head, and even though she wasn't as comfortable there, has asthma like I do and wasn't enjoying the terribly cold air we had that day, she was also just really awesome.

AO and LA were playing injured and as many times as our coach kept trying to pull them when they were really hurting, they kept insisting that they were fine and making some phenomenal plays. They're both also great people, and their spirit throughout the game was really encouraging. A couple of times, I would look at them as we were preparing for a play and think "It doesn't even matter how tired I am. They're hurt and they keep playing. I'm going to keep doing my best to support them and the rest of my team." (Admittedly, it was probably not that coherent in my head at the time, but that was the general gist of how I felt.)

I also definitely saw our scrum half, AS, make some pretty hard contact with the ground - and jump up and continue playing. At one point, I was scared that she was down for good. And then she got up, as usual. I swear, she's practically unstoppable under most circumstances, but we really needed her and she more than delivered for this game.

EG is a fantastic captain and player, and as always was really great at motivating us to keep going. She was (as I keep saying of everyone, but it's really true) just especially great during this game and we really needed her talking us through it to get where we did.

These are just a few people that I'm highlighting, but it took the ENTIRE team to play that game as well as we did. I was so proud of the freshmen and rookies for stepping in to positions that they were also unfamiliar with (and not making a scene like some of us... cue sheepishness) and just doing a fantastic job. They weren't afraid to get in there and play the game, which is what this sport is really about.

I also have to say that TCNJ is a great team to play. They are quality people, both on the pitch and off. Their captain is a particularly gracious, wonderful person and I just really enjoy their entire team.

To summarize my feelings on the entire matter: we just didn't quit, we played together, we played for each other and it was probably my favorite game this year.

I love rugby.