I'm done.

All I can say is, it's a good thing the semester is almost over. I'm just... done. I don't really know how I'm going to get through these last few weeks, but I figure I don't really have much of a choice.

I've been trying to be less introspective and self-centered with the last few posts, but all I can think about lately is how little effort I feel like putting into everything I do. I used to enjoy going to classes, to practice, to meals, to hang out with my friends. Lately, I've just been doing the bare minimum to get by. I go to class, but even if I'm prepared (which I usually am, only by staying up to 2, 3, 4 in the morning - most of that time going to finding the motivation to do the work, not actually the act of working, itself), I don't say much. I'm sure what we're talking about is really interesting - and I used to be excited about all of my classes. For some reason... I just don't care.

If it were only classes, it might not be that big of a deal - I mean, everyone gets burnt out on work from time to time. And it certainly is the time of year for it. But I find myself doing the same thing at things I'm supposed to be enjoying. I go to rugby practice, and even though I know that I like it in theory - it's just such a chore, any more. I "get through it" instead of enjoying it, like I did before. I try to try just as hard, because I know that I want to play - at least, I'm supposed to. But there's something missing.

And my friends... I guess we're all just wrapped up in our own stuff, but I feel like I don't see anyone any more. And when I do, I have to force myself to "show up" to things. I know that I'm supposed to want to go, and I try to get excited... but I just seem to fall short.

I used to be good at faking all of these things - participating in class when I didn't feel like it, seeming to enjoy practice when I don't and having fun with my friends when I'm not. But I've been getting progressively worse at keeping that image up. I think people are starting to see through me. And it's turning me into (or revealing me to be) a person that people don't like to be with that much.

I don't blame them. I'm tired of me, too.